Monday, January 21, 2013

More Socialism Jokes

Q: What is Socialism?
A: It's the painful transition from capitalism to capitalism

Q: What exactly constitutes a developed socialist society?
A: The triumph of ideology over common sense.

Q: How does supply and demand work in socialism?
A: You buy what is available and persuade yourself you need it.

Q: What is the difference between socialism and capitalism?
A: Capitalism makes social mistakes while socialism makes capital mistakes.

Q: Is it true that Adam and Eve were the first socialists?
A: Perhaps. Adam and Eve dressed very humbly, had a modest desire for food, and didn't dwell in their own home. But above all, they believed they lived in paradise.

Q: Will there be any theft after we reach the communist stage of development?
A: Yes, but only if there is anything left to be stolen after socialism.

Q: Is it possible for democratic socialism to start up in such a well-developed country as the USA?
A: Yes, it's possible, but, why?

Q: Is there a difference between a "representative republic" and a "popular democracy?"
A: Yes, it's the same difference between a jacket and a straitjacket.

Q: What should I do if I'm at a bar and some stranger sits down beside me and starts sighing heavily?
A: Tell him to cool it with the anti-socialist propaganda.

Q: Will we win in a war against America?
A: There will always be someone left to prove to us that we have actually won.

Q: Are there any measures in the new five year plan to improve the food of the people?
A: More cookbooks will be printed.

Q: Are there any similarities between a book of matches and the ruling party?
A: The heads of both are worthless when it's cold outside and the kids are hungry.

Q: Are there any measures in the new five year plan to improve the food of the people?
A: More cookbooks will be printed.

Q: Why is our supply of meat so irregular and unpredictable?
A: We are advancing towards communism so fast that even the cattle can't keep up anymore.

Q: After the communist party took power, my life is no longer dear. Do you know of any sure way of committing suicide?
A: Throwing yourself into the chasm between the party leaders and the people.

Q: Can an elephant be wrapped up in a newspaper?
A: Yes, if the newspaper contains the musings of Hugo Chavez.

Q: Is it true that cats are very sneaky creatures?
A: Sometimes. In bad times they try to pass themselves off as rabbit meat.

Q: At present, how can the smart Venezuelan converse with the stupid Venezuelan?
A: By calling him from Canada.

Q: Yesterday, I tried to buy some bananas. However, there was only one banana at the store and it was past its prime. How can some choose?
A: The same way you make a choice during the elections.

Q: What is the most concise definition of a learned worker?
A: One whose blood pressure is higher than his salary.

Q: Can you say anything that comes into your mind here in our country?
A: Yes, of course. Unless you are thinking those kinds of thoughts that shouldn't be said freely and publicly.

Q: Is it necessary for comrade Hugo Chavez to have so much security?
A: Hardly. Up until now, no one has tried to steal him.

Q: How can anyone know if they are talking to an aware and rational citizen or an ignorant one?
A: The rational citizen frequently checks behind him to see if anyone is there.

Q: Are there still going to be idiots under Communism?
A: No. Even those who believed in communism once upon a time will no longer be idiots.

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